there ARE bigger problems..

a close relative of mine, whose life i hv always regarded as perfect has just been diagnosed with advanced-stage breast cancer. she'll hv her entire right breast removed but we all noe the pain doesn't just stop there. my lil bro all alone across the globe in some ulu china province suffered a terrible fall n hurt his ankle so badly tt he can't walk. a fren's relative hv to bear with a philandering husband. even frens my age manage to survive in single-parent hms.. n there r even some who got by w/o any parents at all.

it took me too long to realise tt life is so fragile. so precious. so impt tt i shld not be wasting any moment of it regretting or questioning if i'll ever hv the chance to change anything frm my past. at the 'no apologies' workshop, i chose "love" over "life" n "sex". but come to tink of it, isn't "life" much more worth cherishing? the new ppl i'll come to noe. the old ppl i'll wanna keep. the experiences i hv yet to expose myself to. the ME i wanna be.

i used to tink "love" was scary.. it being all ambiguous n painful. the way it can play with my mind n heart. the way it can make me hurt myself willingly n still smile when i'm wounded n bleeding inside. the way it makes me go all soft n light-headed. the way one person can make my life revolve at turbo speed n yet stop it the very nxt second. "love" shld not be underestimated. but frm all tt i hv heard in tonight alone, i believe "life" is waaay more dubious, complicated n uncertain then we'll ever noe. "life" affects more than just tiny me.

until the day i wear white n say "i do", no guy can make up my life. there is definitely more to my existence then just me n him. so in tt way, i guess i'm enlightened.

anyway, tis is not moving on. tis is merely me understanding the complexity of the situation. to keep someone's candle burning, tt someone shld not douse urs either.